Happy Birthday Dad (12/12/59)... and RIP Mom (12/12/08)

Not much to say..

Work Holiday Party Videos

Yesterday was our building wide Holiday Party complete with a Rock Show concert, because christmas music would be "offensive", so instead they sang songs like "I Shot the Sherriff".

Thanks! Giving pt 2

Family. I love my family, AND I like them too! I used to say, "Family are friends, that you're forced to have." But it never feels forced, per say, and there's only one uncle who is not fun to be around.

My other uncle and his family came over to the family's house in NYC for Thanksgiving dinner. He lives in Ohio, has a boy and a girl, 12 and 14, I think. He is a big family man, and at the same time his wife, originally from MD, is one who prefers to keep her children sheltered. So the children have this inner urge to be with family, but don't always have that chance. We were able to actually hang with them, and you could just see how much they enjoyed it. The girl even teared up, because she didn't get to see my nieces at church, before they had to leave. The boy was talking about how he wished he had a brother as well.

I think about their actions and words that remind me of how lucky I am. When I'm with my bros, we can go play basketball, video games, board games, scrabble, etc... Its somewhat cool. There are lots of people who are an only child, or have just one sibling, and I got 4. I'm just very thankful for them and my family. This was a good thanksgiving.

Thanks, giving.

Continuing from my last post .

Originally I was going to mention what its like balancing time between gay and straight friends. Having to hopefully map out weekends in advance, so I don't miss any important things, and I can be there for the people I consider "friends". However, as I was on my way home, I had this change of perspective.

I realized on some level, I was complaining about having friends. "Poor me... I oftentimes have to choose between sets of good friends." Yet, I realized I'm amazingly lucky to do that. Some people came to this area on their own, without knowing anyone at all. I'm here and am connected into a few different networks of people and have good friends in each. Basically if I was proactive, and made the first move, I could easily hang with cool people and good friends, whenever I want. That is something I very much take for granted... and I'm very thankful for it.

I look at the last week leading up to Thanksgiving. Saturday, I was with my brothers on a road trip-ish. Sunday, I came back and went to a pre-Thanksgiving dinner with roommates and good friends. Monday, I saw a movie with friends in VA. Tuesday, I caught up with an old friend from NY and played Halo with them. Wednesday, was a fun chill day with work friends. Followed by hanging out with other friends in VA. Followed by going to WTF? at Town to meet up with Freddy and the guys. Followed by taking a bus up to NYC for the holiday. Of course last week was special, and not particularly a common thing, but just the fact that it can happen truly humbles me and makes me grateful for all the people in my life!

Ooops(ish)

SO I haven't posted a blog in almost a week. Oops. I have been thinking of a number of different topics, and what I'd be saying, however, I was busy. And Family, Friends, fun and vacation definitely trump the daily posts. But I'm back home now, and trying to get things re-organized and set-up for this holiday season. I had an awesome time, pictures are slowly but surely making their way up to facebook, and I'll catch up on those missed posts pretty soon. I hope everyone had a good time, and I'm looking forward to this final month of the year, gotta end it on a high note!!

Twilight thoughts

Typically when I read books, its for one of three purposes. First, it may be required, for school or work. Second, it can be spiritual, motivational or inspirational which helps me grow as a person. Third, it's a "good" book and I will have a fun and entertaining time reading it. What makes a good book better, is if I can relate to certain characters and their experience resonates with me.

Over the past year when I read the first three books of the Twilight series, I tried to see what character I'd relate with most. Would it be Bella? The one who falls crazily/blindly in love with the person that may not be the best for her. Whose actions and reasoning are downright stupid, borderline insane, and oftentimes just a bad decision. Jacob(werewolf) is always in the "friend zone" and is basically there for life. Even though the girl, sees his potential and knows that he is the smarter decision. Although, he is naive, young, and needs some maturing. Edward(vampire) actually gets the girl, so far anyways. He is the hero, who is perfect in every way, except the strong urges to feed on her.
At first, I figured i'd be closer to Jacob or Bella. Analyzing my decisions... sometimes they can be really stupid, ignoring common sense and truth which is a Bella thing. Then I see the Jacob in me. Always the friend... In a few times past, wanting more from someone who wasn't right for me and wouldn't reciprocate anyway. But I also see a more relevant comparison these days.

Bella is caught between 2 worlds. There's her vampire friends, and werewolf friends. The problem is those two groups are seperate. They each have their own reasons, and believe in them. Its just the way things are. Yet they have this intersection point, and in book 3... they actually have to come together.

If you haven't followed previous posts, I'm talking about my gay friends and my straight friends. Two different worlds, yet they share many similarities. And they intersect at this point called my life...

To Be Continued...

Pre-Thanksgiving

I'm back in DC, and ready for this holiday week. Tonight, I went to a Pre-Thanksgiving dinner with roommates and other friends from school. It was truly a good fun time.
Also, it was the main reason for rushing back today. In looking at why I came back for just a few days... I can truly only think of two reasons. Work and friends. Even though, I can work from home, I wanted to go to work, to let them know and make sure that I'm on the same page as to what needs to be done and when.
Secondly, and more importantly, I came back to hang with people before the break. Some I haven't seen in a while(relatively) and some I may not see in a while. This may or may not happen, especially since there is only one other event planned. But the opportunity is there and hopefully, it'll be a fun jam-packed, productive couple of days!!

Its good to be home.

PS - Yay Giants!!

NY Road Trip 09 pt 3

We just made it back to my family's house in NYC. Trip went well, and a friend of my brother is staying with them for this whole week. As for me, I gotta figure what time I'm leaving tomorrow morning, so I can be back in MD by 4. People keep wondering why I"m not just staying here through the break. I mean, going up now to come back in a couple seems, ineffecient and maybe even wasteful, but I'm doing it anyway. Basically I'll be able to get some quality(hopefully) work in, plus I can get to have a couple chill nights with cool friends before the holiday. Crap, I'm looking at the time, and know that I should be waking up in four hours to catch my boltbus back, for the final leg of this trip. Night.

NY Road Trip pt 1

Just one more hour to go. So far, for only 3 of the past 15 hours, have I not be in transit. Bus, subway, minivan... I'm amazingly glad I took the time out to get sweatpants yesterday, they've been a lifesaver. Yesterday, I also picked up "The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao" and "Catch 22" from the library. They both seem promising, and with all this travel time, I may actually finish both, in good time.

Well we've got just under 100 miles to go. We might have missed tonights program, but we have all day tomorrow.  This should be a good time, and I can finally have reason to take pictures again!

So much to do

So much going on, so little time, but maybe I like it when the pressure is on and there's not a moment to waste.

I'm going with my brothers to visit our youngest brother at his boarding academy near Syracuse, this weekend. We plan on leaving from NYC tomorrow after 1 pm. Meaning I need to be on a bus to NYC before 9 am tomorrow morning. THis also mean that I'm gonna be traveling for 9+ hours on friday, just to make the round trip on Sunday. Then going back up again on Wednesday-ish for the holiday. That's a lot of back-and-forth, so I'm trying to plan out how to do it most effectively.
So here is what I have to do today: Work. Go to the Library to find a couple books for the trip. Do laundry and pick up clothes from the cleaners. Pack for this weekend and next week. Get a haircut in Odenton. Go to the gym and/or play racquetball, since I won't be doing much till Monday. Shower. Also figure out when and what bus I should take and get my ticket. And sleep... maybe.

Well, I have 21 or so hours to get it all done. I believe! 1,2,3 go!!

Does friendship come and go?

I was just on facebook, chatting with my old college roommate. Sorta catching up on things. Its weird because he's 20-30 minutes away, and we've only hung out maybe once in the past year. I think back to college days and we'd hang out all the time. Last time the group hung out, it was cool and just like old times. Like the friendship is still there, but it isn't often used. Maybe I just need to be more proactive about cultivating some of these good friendships, that I have let fall by the wayside.

Its true that friends come and go. It may just be the natural course of life. So I guess its on me on how much I want to control certain things in my life...

To be continued.

Not my younger brother anymore

Friday or Saturday, my younger brother who is 16, had this random AIM away message. "I hate pride, it keeps making me do stupid things" or something close to that. I was confounded. It seemed like something I would write or blog or facebook status. He is also a senior in high-school and is applying for colleges now. Its making me realize that things have changed. He's growing, maturing, he's not little carlton anymore. He's taller than me, but still I never realized that he is truly growing up. Being away from home for most of the past 11 years, I've missed out on a lot and haven't really been able to see either of my younger brothers grow. One of my goals and renewed priorities is to be a better family member. And now, with the holidays coming up, I'm thinking I should work on that more. Maybe we'll have an actual "grown-up" conversation or at least, I'll remind him that I'm there for him. I need to view and treat him as an equal, and remember that he is just like me.

Sometimes being a brother is even better than being a superhero. ~ Marc Brown

I don't believe an accident of birth makes people sisters or brothers. It makes them siblings, gives them mutuality of parentage. Sisterhood and brotherhood is a condition people have to work at. ~ Maya Angelou

Precious

This was definitely an awesome, powerful, touching movie. I don't want to spoil it, so I'm not going to give away much. It was just very well done, and being based on a true story makes it all the more heart-wrenching. There are some scenes that are just wow, and they necessitate being followed by a scene in which there is some comic relief. If those scenes continued to go for just a little longer, there might have been a tear from my eyes. Its a very intense movie. Just about every character played their role to perfection, and truly captured the essence of the movie. Lastly, being from NYC it was cool to see/hear familiar things. Watching this movie will not disappoint, and you should walk away remembering that life is precious! (Didn't see that coming, LOL)

Writer's Block Post

If you could choose one super-power, what would it be and why?

It would the ability that the character Sylar has in heroes. As I understand, he can see "how things work." In the show, he uses it to learn how other people's powers work, so he can use them himself. But in one episode, he was talking about his ability with another character Peter. He implies that he can use his ability to understand the potential future. Basically, his power can understand how a present decision or choice, will "work" in terms of the future. So you can understand how his decisions will affect himself and others, down the road.

I think that'd be awesome. If you've read some of my more personal blogs, you'd see that common theme. I often will look at either my past or current decisions, and try to make sense of it. Try to understand what insights I can see about myself, and think about how I can make decsions to be the kinf of person that I want to become. Even though the journey/destination of my life is not fully known, I can at least plan a couple stops that I want to make along the way.

Recap episode

Similar to Lost, or certain shows, instead of giving something fully "new", I'm going to give a brief synopsis of the week, with highlights from the important times.
Saturday-Sunday: Nostalgically reminiscent weekend. Church and Lunch with old friends from school. Nap, Then game night/chilling with gay friends in VA. I, or my team, was undefeated for the whole night, in all games!!

Sunday was a lazy day, but I did get to watch some football and chill over there and eventually make it home for the Sunday night game. It was awesome, and some friends(including a most-likely lesbian couple) were at the house for the game as well.

Monday - Not much. First official day of exercising, followed by basketball for over an hour. Bad idea. But live and learn. Although at work, a co-worker singled-out the new employee in a email CC'ed to everyone in the group. Finished the night with Monday night football.

Tuesday - Felt like a friday(ish) because the next day I had off. I remembered that some friends mentioned Cobalt, so I left work excited for that later. Also, I had read in the metroweekly about the black church homophobia discussion so I went to that first. One random insight was that the Black Panther Party bylaws stated to NOT discriminate against gays. They said "True warriors believe that all struggles are on the same level. So we shouldn't discount any groups struggle." Deep. No friends came out, but I made a new one... which was inspiring, to say the least.

Wednesday - Day off. THe night before I texted friends from school and set up a racquetball date, persay. But first I went into work to get my stuff and a change. The new employee was there having some problems, so I was there longer than anticipated. But I did get to play, which was awesome. I came home and had an interesting talk with a roommate, before going out to trivia, where we almost placed 3rd in the second game. Then, I met up with the roommates at Galaxy for discussion and straight talk.

Thursday - Work was random. my coworker saw the twitter trend #donttrytoholla, so I had to explain what that meant. And then another coworker, thought that a "hollaback girl" was a cheerleader. I do not want to ever get old... After work, I could not get cell reception or send texts weirdly. I chalked it up to T-Mobile suckage, and went to this Identity and Visiblity discussion thing. It was amazing especially this video . Afterwards, I still couldn't send texts, which is when I tried to call and realized my phone was partly cut-off. So I went to a random person's house, who was at the meeting, and he let me use his computer and i solved that problem, and no longer felt "naked". Afterwards, I went back to the group and enjoyed the random conversation, in a mixed gay crowd. It was amazing... especially to hear lesbians being themselves and just as open as guys... WOW. I ended up getting after 3am.

Friday - Slow, tired day at work, but had some random conversations with co-workers, and learned that the new employee is in her mid-late 40s. I got stuff to attempt to work from home in the future. Work was followed by an impromptu happy hour, in which the new employee was not invited.

A very packed week, with a few random moments, a couple eye-opening revelations, and an inspiring moment or two.

Stories

I went to this random meeting about Diversity and Stories of minority communities in the gay community. There was a video shown and discussion about the stories that people hear, which sometimes include stereotypes. Not that they are untrue, but they are incomplete. I'm definitely gonna repost that link later. Afterwards, the hanging out continued and it was very interesting. People shared and discussed, and I definitely realized while we all came from different backgrounds.... we were all similar. I mean, the same types of discussions happen when I'm with the straight crowds. Its so interesting sharing these stories, celebrate differences and remind me how equal we all are as people.

Random Creative idea/goals

I've blogged before about wanting to create. Sometimes I get these random ideas of things which appeal to my humor and/or logic and/or interests.

In my last post, I talked about excuses. While talking to my roommate about individual goals and failures and thinking of that blog before it was finalized. I came up with an idea.

A picture. The motto: "Don't let excuses stop you from reaching success."

So the word success would be encircled by lots of words used in excuses and typical excuse phrases. Then i'd eventually put it on a t-shirt for myself.

Failure...

Seems yesterday, I failed on two accounts. Firstly and obviously, I didn't write a blog yesterday. I didn't have anything really to write tho, (excuse #1). Work was somewhat busy, even during my nap hour, so I couldn't blog then, especially knowing I had today off, (excuse #2). After work I went to this interesting panel discussion titled "Homophobia in the Black Church". I even took notes and thought about using them as a blog. But I didn't think it'd make sense, AND I figured I could put more effort in and use it in a later blog, (excuse #4).
My second failure was with my budget. In recent months, I've talked about setting priorities and goals. Well I've been more focused on saving money. Due to certain family things in september, and the following October credit card bill. My access to cash is quite low. So before going out yesterday, I took from my savings account. It wasn't much money, (excuse #1). I'm gonna replace it next week(excuse #2). Its just like me using my credit card (excuse #3). I deserve to do that, its a holiday!!!!(excuse #4).

In both cases, I had multiple valid, justifiable excuses. I could easily not care and go on. But its still a failure in my book. I did something that I promised myself I wouldn't, and I acknowledge it. However, I'm not gonna let that get me down, let this battle make me give up the war.

Anyways, I'll end on a quote I heard back in July at church:
"Excuses are the tool of the incompetent. Those who excel at excuses, will often not excel at anything else."

Dear Giants...

What the flip is going on? You let me down, yet another time this season. Every game I've been able to watch, you guys have had a subpar performance. The first game of the season against the Washington Redskins... you guys made them look formidable. It was a close game, but we pulled out a win. I watched 2 of the next 3 games and you guys still won games, but they were mediocre wins. You were real sloppy, and in luck was on your side. Its true that even when you won the superbowl a couple years back, luck was very much on our side. But I continue to root for you, and hope that you guys start getting your act together. You guys are off next week, but I'll be watching you on Thanksgiving. Hopefully you won't let me down.

The High of a Completed Assignment

Let's hop in our time machine and rewind to the end of January 2009. It was a tumultuous time in my life due to the worst break-up pre Chris & Rihanna, but also because I had started my spring semester. For the semester, I was only taking 2 classes, as it was all I was willing to handle given my limited interest in school (at the time) and my work schedule. The distractions, nonetheless, were welcomed. As they say, hindsight is 20/20.

It was then that I met Dr. James Bell, a psychologist at my school, and the only person who taught the philosophy course that I needed. Dubbed Logic & Critical Thinking, I thought this course was going to be a breeze. How hard would it be to count squares within squares and solve a couple riddles, right? I guess my first day of classes should of been a hint of things to come. I was a few minutes late as usual, and as I walk in I am horrified to find out that all the seats are taken and the few ones left are at the front of the class. Go figure. I'm not a front of the class kind of a guy, unless its a small class and I already know my peers. I prefer the brooding, back of the class bad boy, sneaking txts and tweets, image. First thing we do is fill out some survey about ourselves and I read the top of the it: Psych 101. Imagine my dismay to find out that not only did I make a big interruption entering the class, but it was the wrong one to begin with. So what does one do? Do I disrupt the class again and point out my own mistake and show up late to the other class? Or sit there and by all means "just take it" *wink*. I figured I wouldn't ever see these kids again anyway so I told the Teach that it was my mistake but I was in the wrong class, slipped out and made my way next door to where I belonged.

Finally in the right class, I get to sit in the middle back section. Not a bad spot, IMHO, so I survey the room and check out the for the cute boys first. A couple Yes's and 1 maybe. Spoiler: One of the Yes's and the maybe end up in being in my of my groups for the class. Dr. Bell hands out the necessary coursework for the semester: a booklet the size of a family Bible with the pretty picture of the last supper in the front, and several smaller booklets. We get a couple more handed out throughout the semester and as it progresses, the class is asked to participate in group discussions, (ok i can deal), weekly reflections of the course (B.S. is my middle name), and concepts on "learning to learn" (que what) and "thinking about our thinking". On paper (and it was a lot of paper) the class wasn't half bad, but the amount of hours Dr. Bell expected us to devote to this class was beyond ridic. Granted, I had the time, since my only other class was a breeze, but what if I had a full course load?

I understand I may come off as a little whiney, and that other students a lot more apt than I am do a lot more work than I possibly could, but I also understand the concept of engaging students in order to class interesting, something Dr. Bell failed to grasp. Four months, several hair pulling nights, and MaryJane visits later, I passed the class. At the end of the course, Dr. Bell asked us to provide suggestions on how to improve it, and to write a letter to future students. My suggestion: plant a fucking tree. Dr. Bell never used blackboard, or any other online resource, (except for when he wanted us to do some research on a topic) in an attempt to expand his lessons, but instead opted for a more traditional approach of passing out paper after paper. I came out of that class a different person, similar to those that endure a truly traumatic experience, like war, a car accident, or a Lindsay Lohan movie (shout out to Axel). I swore, "never again".

Cut to July 2009. I'm registering for my classes and my advisor tells me I need to take the Social Psych course, taught ONLY by none other than Dr. Bell. Being clubbed like a baby seal seemed like a viable option at that moment. Less than a month is left for the semester to come to a close, and the only thing keeping me going is the image of a fat doobie waiting for me at the end of the road. After each completed assignment, one step closer, my brain releases those happy hormones and I jump and scream and do a little jig of excitement.

I will say this though. I have learned quite a bit, and have developed skills that might come in handy in my later life, not caring what Dr. Bell has to say about it. But I do wonder, if i would be willing to do it all over again, you know, with my new 20/20 vision.

Fitness Routine pt 1

When I asked for possible blog ideas, my roommate gave the following comment:
"I would love you hear about you fitness habits. Whether or not you are totally happy with them, sharing the diet and exercise habits would be helpful!" So I feel like today would be a good time to start. Ever since I was sick the other week, I have not played basketball or worked out at all. So the only exercise I've done was walking to the metro and thats about. However, since new week is beginning I'm gonna get back on that train especially cuz the holidays are around the corner.

Firstly, I have never a physical trainer at all. In my last year at college (05-06), I took the PE class, where we had to "train" as homework and get to a certain level by the final exam. This started me on my working out, and I have tried to do it regularly ever since. When I started, I started out at the bottom, doing any machine at a manageable weight, and over time increased the weights, reps, sets, etc...

Here is a list of what I'd do at the gym all together:

Arms:
Arm curl nautilus machine: 2-3 sets of 8-10 reps somewhere between 80-110 lbs
Tricep pushdown: 3-4 sets of 8-12 reps between 40-50 lbs
Shoulder press nautilus: 3-4 sets of 8-10 reps at 90-110 lbs
Single Arm curl with free weights: 2-3 sets of 8 reps at 25 lbs
Single arm curl nautilus: 2-3 sets of 8-10 reps at 50-70 lbs

Back:
Lat machine pulldown: 2-3 sets of 10-15 reps at 90-110 lbs
Lat row: 2-3 sets of 8-10 reps at 60-90 lbs
Back extension machine: 3-4 sets of 8-10 reps at 140 lbs
*Back/arm pulldown nautils: 3-4 sets of 8-10 reps at 110-130 lbs

Chest:
Butterfly nautilus: 3-4 sets of 8-10 reps are 70-90 lbs
Bench press nautilus: 3-4 sets of 6-10 reps at 140-190 lbs
Inclined press nautilus: 3-4 sets of 7-10 reps with 90-120 +bar
*bench butterfly - 3-4 sets of 7-10 reps at 70 lbs
*chest press - 3-4 sets of 8-10 reps at 110-140 lbs
*pec deck - 3-4 sets of 8-10 reps at 40-60 lbs

Legs:
Inner thigh nautilus and outer thigh: 2-4 sets of 8-10 reps at 40-60 lbs
Leg extensions and leg curls: 2-4 sets of 8-10 reps at 90-110 lbs
Leg press: 2-4 sets of 8-10 reps at 180 lbs + bar

Abs:
reverse crunches: 4-5 sets of 20-35 reps
Basic crunches: 3-5 sets of 20-35 reps alternating sides during reps 2 & 4

Those are all the workouts I'd probably do. However, I can be lazy and I usually don't try to over exert myself. So Sundays I'd do the most. Probably chest, arms, abs and maybe legs. I might actually be in the gym for an hour. Mondays I'd try to go to this "Core" workout class at work. Its 20 minutes of exercises that target the midsection, abs mainly, but also the back. Tuesdays, I'd either do chest or arms, depending on how I'm feeling and if up for it. Wednesdays, I'd do the "core" class again, and also the back and maybe arms. Thursdays, I'm back to chest if anything. and Fridays are definitely iffy, but I may attempt to worn on the back. Saturdays I never work out.
I must say that I only make it to the gym 3-4 times a week. And sometimes I definitely get stuck do the lower amount of those workout, and try to be in and out of the gym in 20 minutes. I also play basketball mondays, wednesdays and fridays during the lunch hour. So there are times when I'm just too tired to do anything. And sometimes if I force myself to workout again on those days, I'm definitely taking the next day off.
So that's that. Its taken me four years to get to this point. If I were more serious, I'd be further along. But I really don't care that much. My advice to anyone who may want it, is to just get there. Get inside a gym, and once you're there start on something, start small, and try to be consistent. Eventually things will work out.

Comparison pt 1.

In recent times, especially after Prop 8 passing, and misguided blame directed at the Black population, I've read a couple things that compared the "church" in black culture to the "bar" in gay culture. Basically, they both serve as the standard community location or hangout. Being a part of both communities, allows me to experience both. And list my own comparisons.

Segregation: Black churches are different from white churches, and are different from mixed churches. Mixed churches even have their areas where "like" people will gather, based on age, country, income, profession, race school they went to. Very similar to the bar scene.

Fads: A new church was recently started a year or so, ago. And now, it is the main places for younger people to go. A number of other churches have just lost their regular members. Just like what Town did to Cobalt.

Music: The music at churches do vary pretty much. Certain people will use that specifically to determine where they should go. Music is a key ingredient to setting the atmosphere, so it definitely invokes strong opinions and influences church attendance. I think of TNG events, and a number of occasions where people have said they don't a certain gay establishment because of the music. Also, certain songs are good and so traditional that a huge portion wants to, and may just start singing at random times. The equivalent would be showtunes, or a glee ivdeo clip. Guests DJs = Special music acts in church. The secular song "Last Night a DJ saved my life", I'll here or read the same thing in a facebook status about some random choir. Also, certain times a song may drag on and on, some enjoy it, others don't. This definitely happens with certain DJ's that either overplay a song, or play a techno track that'll be four different songs, but all to the same exact beat.

Parking: Get to some churches too late, and hopefully you can find a parking spot within 3-4 blocks. Its definitely comparable to nights in DC.

Friendships: Being at the same church over and over, and go to potlucks or other social events gives you an area with like minded people, which makes it easy to form friendships. In my denomination, if someone moves into the area, they will probably go to a church with the expectation and hope of meeting new people and making friends. Similarly, the first place a gay person would go is the local gay bar. I'm not saying they are the only places a black or gay person would go... but they are the easiest and have high success rates.  

Weekend Scheduling: Churches have regular meeting times and regularly scheduled events. This predictability allows for people to always have a plan, or know that they can rely on it at given times. In NYC, the SDA church is especially good for this. While in highschool, my roommate spent many weekends basically at the church. Saturday morning service, then a lunch in the afternoon at church, then hanging out till the afternoon/evening service, then maybe a social or church league basketball game, then its already 1-2am. Then on Sunday, we have our own version of boy scouts, called Pathfinders. Since you're friends with all these people as well, its definitely an awesome time and not as bad as it seems to an outsider.

The bar scene is the same way. Certain places have drinks at the right price at certain days of the week. And events, drag bingo, trivia, karaoke, happy hours, college nights, theme parties, free drink hours, underwear contests... One can easily schedule and entire weekend filled with just bar hopping, club going, brunch and McD eatings, and then the weekend is over. and especially since people tend to travel in groups and cliques, you're with friends so it can be an awesome time.

TGIF

I do not remember the last time I had a Friday night like this. One where I planned to go straight home after work, and where I could just rest. This morning on my way to work, I was already excited for this moment. Even though I was going on limited sleep, I was somehow energized throughout the day. I left work earlyish, got home, did laundry, took stuff to the cleaners, cleaned my room and organized my closet and even vacuumed. Now I'm laying down in bed, about to do some reading, while sipping on tea, with music playing. I could be doing so much more.... but right now, this is what I need and its Amazing!

Why do I blog?

I couldn't think of a good enough topic for todays installment, so I figured why not answer the basic question of why I even blog. Hopefully, this will help the readers understand my writing a little more, and give new perspective to each post.

Blogging is my way to share whats going on in my head, with the hope of informing my friends and sometimes creating a discussion. With work, life and all of our busy schedules there isn't always time for sharing random thoughts or ponderings or questions about life. So when I blog, I have this goal of just putting things out there, and then there is sometimes a connected hope of growth, change, finding answers, etc... I know some people blog for personal reasons, and/or wouldn't publicize what they write and I can somewhat understand. But I don't live in a bubble and an outside perspective can oftentimes help.

Based on online comments, or chats or in-person conversations, I'd say 12 people may read the majority of my posts. So when I do blog, my posts can sometimes be targeted. Blogging for is a semi-public way to share my perspective on the world. The site may be public to anyone in the world, but I don't think any random midwesterner or foreign person who reads this, would know who I am. And if they did, it somewhat doesn't matter. I'm writing to those 12. They are friends and know me. We've hung out, talked, made some good memories, and probably took pictures. Its you guys that matter. Sometimes it may seem like I'm singling out people, but mostly that's not the case. There have been very few instances where I did, but I probably was venting at the time, and I know those people do not even read my blog. Other times people may be mentioned, but its never to blame, condemn, or some way to lash out.
If anything, its cause for discussion. Its me showing a perspective, hoping that the readers can share some insight. I see the world from my view, and sometimes I try to look from another's view, but its still my mind doing it. As this month continues, and I write more often then usual, I hope we can all enjoy the ride. So welcome in, feel free to take off your shoes, have a seat, get comfortable. Speak up! Questions, comments, complaints are always welcome.

Ew: TNR (Nov. 3,4,5)

Have I ever expressed my distaste for the font Times New Roman. If i haven't before thenI shall gladly tell you now. When I got my first computer in the mid 90s, I was about (how old are you in 5th grade?) 9 or 10 years old. It was a "Hewlett Packard", beige coloured with a big monstrosity of a monitor and a CPU that probably weighed the same amount as me at the time. I have very fond memories of my first computer. It was loaded with awesome games like Sonic the Hedgehog, Ecco, the dolphin game, and this one CD-ROM game called POD, which was a car racing game that I was really bad at, among others. I would spend hours and hours entertaining myself with the Paint program, creating pictures to go with the storyboard in my head. It also contained my first introduction to the wonderful world of Maxis, with the original SimCity. Anyways, this isn't the point.

So, of course, when book reports and article reviews would get assigned in class I would jump at the chance to type them on Microsoft Word, (I think it was Edition 95 or something). I loved typing. I had no basic training, but still I would sit at the computer for hours and type lists of things that I didn't really need, just for the sake of hearing the click click click of the keyboard. I went as far as to make a list of all the pokemon I had "encountered" on the cartoon. It was then that I learned what a "font" was, and that not everything had to be as boring as Times New Roman.

You see, I never considered the actual styling of letters and here was this option that allowed me to change my "font" to any cool design and feature that pleased me. I was ecstatic. In comparison, all the other fonts by far surpassed Times New Roman in coolness factor. Times New Roman reminded me of newspaper. Newspaper that had been yellowed with age and made coarse. Or an old crotchety dude. It was boring. It added no pizazz to an assignment and it made me feel generic and inordinary. Is it "in" or "un" - ordinary? I unno. I think its "un". Anyway, to this day, I really really loathe the font on syllabi, articles, and forms. It shows me that the person who typed it cared very little to give the paper a little more personality, to attract the reader. I prefer fonts like Arial, and Helvetica, all the sans serif stuff. Comic Sans was also deffo a favourite of my early youth.

Today, even on my blackberry, the font is "casual" something or other, but I guess my issues with fonts says more about me than about the fonts themselves.

Last Night's Losses

Off-Year Elections? Who knew... the few elections didn't really count. And were won by the front-runners anyway. Only sad part about them, was the fact that they were all GOP wins. Even though the democratic candidates didn't seem any better, I just usually hope for the lesser of two evils. However, the one main issue yesterday being voted on, was in Maine.

Question 1 on the ballot was a measure to repeal the law allowing same-sex marraige. Throughout the past 7 or so months, I've been volunteering at the HRC. ITs mostly been phonebanking, calling voters in various places getting their opinion on whatever local issue and hopefully getting their support. Its been interesting. I feel like it sorta puts me out there to see what is going on, and gives me an opportunity to help. It also helps me figure out my own feelings about whatever issue. So for the past few months we've been calling Maine voters, identifying supporters and either soliciting donations or finding volunteers. Certain nights felt productive, and a couple times... it was a little more hostile. It was what it was, and I'm glad I was able to take part in it. Although, by taking part in it, and seeing the optimism of the other volunteers... it just made the loss somewhat worse.

I guess, the point of this blog would be to understand why? What was the reason for why it was overturned by 53% of the voters.

- Is it too soon to expect that kind of social change?
- Are the gays being selfish in wanting this change amidst the current global economic, environmental and healthcare issues on the table?
- Does it need to be called "marraige"?
- Did the gay community go about the campaign in the wrong way? Instead of saying we want equality, in this way, now. Should they have been approaching the other side in a spirit of discussion rather that of accusation?
- Does the gay community make it easier for the opposition to use scare tactics and fear to reach their voters?
- Is there a way to bridge the gap being a socially conservative rural Maine resident and a gay liberal urbanite that allows compromise? or is it just a dream?

In looking at some of the comments and/or statuses and/or blogs that some have written after the fact. Are our feelings even justified? Most of us don't live in Maine. Have any of us, done anything to even help their cause? Are we doing anything to help what happening in DC? Can we do anything to help? If you had the opportunity would you? Is it a cause we even truly believe is worth it?

Lots of questions... anyone got any answers, perspectives, ideas ??

NaBloPoMo

Its National Blog Posting Month, I'm going to post a blog (for) everyday of this month. When I first heard the idea, I wondered if its even possible? my last 30 blogs took from February till now. So this is quite a challenge. I also wonder if some blogs may be cookie-cutter, pointless rambling of words about nothing really. But I think I will attempt to think of topics, ideas and plans of interest in my life. With yesterday's voting, world series, the new NBA season, person goals, colder weather, shopping lists, upcoming holiday season and life, I believe it just might work. and forcing myself to at least one blog a day, will hopefully be both challenging and fruitful.

PS - If you have a topic/idea or personal question for me to use as a blog... that would also be great!

10 Minutes before Midnight

Watching Family Guy. It's all I've done since my last real post which was [i don't even know]. I know I'm amazeballs. I'll post in more detail the on goings of my life tomorrow. Sorry Justin, don't think of me as copping out. More like thinking of what to actually say for tomorrow.

Topics to consider -

How does one navigate in a world firmly acknowledging that they're gay even though they were raised to abhor the behavior and practice?

Will my SDA classmates and ex-friends ever be "friends" again?

Why isn't there more squidbillies on tv?

I've got a major crush on Jim from The Office?

Why is gas higher now that it was in the summer? Or at least my wallet shares this sentiment.

Do you think the world is ready for a way more legit Mortal Kombat movie? I do.

Who do i have to blow to get a new mac?

-Among other things

NaBloPoMo

In honor of National Blog Posting Month, I will (attempt) to post a blog everyday of this month. I've been meaning to get back into the swing of things anyway, and hopefully a blog a month will help in that. This is for November 1st since I'm a day late, (and a dollar short).

what and/or am I doing wrong?

A number of weeks ago, I posted the words from this plaque as a blog. There weren't any actual comments on it, and it sorta fell by the wayside. A week ago Saturday, I had this facebook status: "Justin Dominic M wonders what I'm doing wrong? or maybe I'm just not changing with the times?" A number of things came together, on the inside and outside, which made me write that status. It just seems that a number of friendships have changed or are changing. Sometimes, I can see the reason, othertimes I can not. Certain people, I just stopped initiating contact and that's why things changed. In a couple other cases, other circumstances might have changed and we no longer communicate in the same manner. The dynamics have changed and/or my "place" in the group. In life, things change... so it makes me wonder how/if I need to change to make up for the difference. I guess thats one of the biggest challenges of life, how to continuously embrace change and grow in such a manner that is productive. (now would be a place/reason to comment) Who knows? And thats where I wonder what I'm doing wrong?

Its like certain people and/or relationships provided certain things. Maybe they inspired, or challenged me to grow, or provided the atmosphere of growing, or allowed me to share and be open, or just a comfortable setting to chill and relax, or a place to learn and ask questions or discover new insight. These relationship changes or evolutions are expected in life, I guess. I think what I'm doing wrong is not changing accordingly? Maybe I'm trying to set up an "old" situation, something that worked in the past. However, it is a "new" relationship, so the old ways don't and shouldn't suffice anymore?

Thoughts while Sick

This sucks. In some ways, more than others. I always try to be as productive or efficient as possible. You never what life has in store, so I try to get the most out of each week or day. This week was definitely not a week to be sick. The race, random new work assignments with quick deadlines, my own personal Android development plan, HRC phonebanking, a trivia reunion, hanging out with friends, my roommates birthday, daylight savings time, and Halloween. So many hopes in the oppurtunites there for fun, for hanging with friends, and creating new memories. But it's all been put to sick.

Tuesday started with a sore throat, and by midday headaches and bodyaches. I left work early, and could barely finish the trek home. I felt like I should tell the few people who responded to the race invite, but I couldn't even manage that. The next 16 hours were spent sleeping mostly, waking up every 2 hours, with a headache and body pains, to get water, OJ, pee breaks, and take whatever meds were there, all to no avail. It sucked cuz I couldn't even manage to watch TV, look at my laptop or even try and use my phone.Finally the next morning, I just told my roommate to take me to the hospital, since no home medicines were working, and its hard to do anything when EVERYTHING hurts. They gave me a shot, a couple prescriptions and sent me on my way. Best part was the prescription pain meds did their thing, so that made things much more bearable. I was finally able to sleep better after that, and could even watch TV. On Friday, my temperature finally, although it was only temporary, fell under 100 and thats where it remains. Now the aches are gone, the headache is almost gone, fever is gone, but I still have a sore throat, so everyday I hope that when I wake, it'll disappear.

So being sick, the whole week was basically unproductive, and definitely not awesome. I randomly got texts from people who were doing things, and I couldn't join. I watched my roommates and friends go to church, knnowing of the surprise birthday potluck, and realizing I would be missing out. Reading facebook statuses and messages, and tweets, and seeing photos of everything I was missing... Part of me, said maybe I should just go... I'm not as bad as before, right? But I realized that was me being selfish, I'm home not only cuz I want to get better, but also cuz I don't want to cause others to get sick. So home I stayed. I got to watch all the excitement of people getting ready to go out for my roommates birthday. I had a front row view, of my roommate having a blast pre-gaming, as I said no to all the fun.

Thrn I thought about past years and roommate birthdays and halloween weekends and parties. I wondered if I wasn't sick, how would the week have went? Would I have done everything I wanted/hoped for? Would the people whose company I wanted, actually been there? Would I have shortchanged my roommates as somewhat usual(sadly), and gone to hang out with other friends or at least in a gay environment? Who knows? So I guess what I'm sayingis that it definitely sucks to be forced to have no options, yet at least the decision is made, and I know that my choice WAS the right thing to do.

National Equality March (after thoughts)

It was Amazingly Awesome and Inspiringly Informative. The whole day was just as close to perfect as I could have ever hoped, planned or even imagined-ish. The weather was really good and beautiful. Everything just came together and created the "atmosphere" I always aim to experience. The only drawback was that we got there sorta late, and a few good friends missed out. It sorta had a feel like a party or something similar to pride, yet not. For me, it was better than pride. It was pride with a purpose. Scantily clad muscle men pulling a car, and people dancing on floats have their place... but sometimes I'm always thinking of the greater purpose and the "Why". This march provided that, plus it was on Sunday.

Back to the topic at hand, the National Equality March! We planned to make a sign beforehand, tho we couldn't really think of anything tooo witty, except "GaGa for Gay Marraige". We didn't even get to do it the night before as we planned. I came up with the backup plan to get white tees, and just make them into a sign. So I wore a white tee and got a permanent marker and randomly came up with an idea for an "EQUAL" anagram. So on the metro I did that, and Freddy made his sign and it all worked out and was done by the time we got to the stop.

Being late, and stopping for food, we missed most of the pre-march get togethers and we didn't even get to march in the actual crowd. But it was still good. On the way I met John Oliver from the Daily Show and took a picture with him, and that only made my mood better. We walked the route, and found a spot on the grass way left of the stage area. Speeches were awesome and inspiring, Lady Gaga did her thing, and there were other good speakers as well. Also, when Lady Gaga was leaving in her van, we happened to be the only people near that road, so we stood and she definitely saw Freddy's sign, and waved at us. I stayed for another 1-2 hours then eventually walked back to 17th.

One good & bad thought I picked up was the fact that after Gaga finished her speech, a good amount of the crowd left. In a way, it felt like a number of people were only there to see her. At first, it was a little sad because I percieved it as people either "following the crowd" or just "doing what was popular" or "seeing a celebrity"; all of which are ranked pretty low in my book. Later I realized that even if they were there just for her, they still showed up and they did hear other people talk as well. So they might have been gotten something else out of it too. Not to mention, they might have already been out standing/walking for 4-6 hours.

The entire experience gave me what I wanted in terms of an activity to do. It had meaning and a purpose, and just wasn't a waste of time. I got to hang with friends, see some old faces and get to know some new-ish people better. I also had a creative idea and actually put it into action. It sorta sucked that some friends didn't make it out. But I did what I could to try and motivate them, because I know they would have done the same for me. This experience was awesome in a very personal way. I made it my own and returned home informed, inspired and challenged me to be...

Wow, its been a year.

I came out to both roommates exactly one year ago. I changed it on myspace and facebook, a month or so after, which inspired the "gay talk" with my barber and some immediate family. It has mostly been easier than I initially thought. However, its been mostly done in "controlled environments".

In software development/computer programming, there is a term "unit testing". When making a change in anyway, it is tested in a seperate, safe environment. This way, if it doesn't work, there won't be any major consequences to the current, working, application. After, it is unit tested, it goes through "integration testing" where it is combining the new in the old environment and making sure everything works out.

I see that as a goal in this next year of being out. Only Freddy, has been able to be in the same room with me and my roommates or any other straight friends, in a semi-planned way. It would be a goal to at least give people the chance to mix groups. My birthday would have been the perfect opportunity, but that barely even worked out for just the gay friends. I see that this can change, probably starting with work friends and roommates. Then maybe, being proactive and somehow finding an equally "comfortable" occassion, so we'll see.

Either way, I'm looking to continue on this road to integration and being more and more comfortable in my own skin, and in whatever environment I find myself in.

I want to... "create"

Last night on "The Daily Show", the guest was William Kamkwamba who at the age of 14 while living in an African village, took parts from a bicycle and a tractor and created a windmill based on one picture he found. Its pretty cool and inspiring. This just sorta added fuel to an already burning fire.

I want to create. I want to have something to "show" for my time. I don't fully know what, at this point. But I just wanna go. Its why I joined the 48 hour film festivals, partly why I sometimes attempted to have a couple themed blog posts, and I feel that its something I can do. Both of those were failures, in some ways... but gotta try right?

When I chose to continue working at my current location, I knew it could easily get boring, like now. AND that if I wanted better experience, I need to be proactive about and do my part. I made a bet on myself and promised that I would stop being lazy and begin doing something. On that note, I have made some personal career goals; like getting a graduate certificate from UMUC and/or taking a night class at USDA gradschool, which I procrastinated on, so it wont begin till January-ish.

In the meantime tho, I want to create. I've been looking at tutorials online to try and make an iphone and/or android app. Maybe even incorporate twitter on them somehow, and use that to incorporate my desire to create, with my goal of "career betterment". I still need a good idea for it, tho.

So basically I want to use my creativity in some productive way. Whether, I write about a topic that adds/helps something in some way, or do a short movie/clip that is enjoyable, create a useful mobile phone application, or some other idea that I have yet to discover.

Any thoughts/ideas?

Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints on your heart. To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart. Anger is only one letter short of danger. If someone betrays you once, it is his fault; if he betrays you twice, it is your fault. Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people. He who loses money, loses much; he who loses a friend, loses much more; he who loses faith, loses all. Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art. Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself... There is no beginning or end. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is mystery. Today is a gift, that's why they call it the present. - Unknown

Wanna share any thoughts ?

Priorities

I've always had them but didn't always treat them that way. I made my own personal list of things I considered priorities, and then compared it to my "life". Where/how did I spend my time, and money, and "energy". Next, I mentally I set both lists next to each other. I saw certain things like Family were a high on the priority but low on the other list. How can I label certain things as priorities while my actions prove they aren't?

So, in this new fall "semester" of life I want to treat my priorities as actual priorities. My professional development, living on a budget, family, friends, spiritual life and my own passions & interests. Oh yeah, maybe I should add blogging/writing to the list...

23 is gonna be interesting

A while ago I posed a question, and never posted my answer. As with most issues, the key is balance. Sometimes you go one way, other times you go a different way. I posted that either an hour before or after, I decided to make the facebook birthday event thing. And we all know how that went.

I've often times written about trying to find the balance within my own life. Mainly between my older/original network and my post-college/gay/OUT network. So from the two different networks, I factor in the differences between what I like to do and what others like to do. So there are at least four different options at any given point, of what I could do and who I could do it with.

I looked at my choices and decisions over the past few years. Its like I see certain people(sometimes they are "friends"), but they aren't the type of friends that I want them to be. Then there are other friends who would be the type that I'm looking for, yet I don't let them because I"m focused on the wrong people. Then there are other friends who I seem to completely ignore and or forget about. Which is wierd, and a failure on my part.

So recently, I've been doing a different option. Not forcing any people on any side into doing anything really, or at least not proactively trying to set anything up. I've been just going with whatever's going on or enjoying...home. It's been better than I'd really want to admit. Things have just seemed to work out, when I stopped trying. I don't really know what all this means but we'll see what happens. Maybe I've finally progressed into stage 6. Either way, this new year of life will continue to be good and it will be productive! (more on that another time)

Work OUT

Earlier today, one of my main co-workers joined facebook and added me. About a half hour ago, I was going down to the gym with a different co-worker who's office is next to mine, and across from the other lady who joined fb.

As I'm about to walk down, she say's "I just read something very interesting about you." Then she goes on, "I never thought about it, or even asked. But I guess I could somewhat see it..." Then she slows down and lowers her voice to that of a whisper and says... "You're a Republican!!?"

At which, I break out laughing.


Disclaimer: I joined the college republican fb group at my school, because it was fun to see what/how the other side thinks, tho it got boring pretty quickly.

Late Belated Birthday Week[end] Post

Friday - At work, everything is messed up. The Q-Bank website was down because of an error in the change we did on the previous day. The server has been down, and the lady in charge was showing the problem and what she did to try and fix it. She was leaving for most of the next few weeks, and the main IT guy was in NY for his mom's funeral and such. So I missed basketball, and didn't even eat lunch till after 3. I left round 5 and texted people to see what was going on at night, and when I got home I played games for 20 or 30 minutes then fell asleep. After midnight, I woke up and realized I slept way too long. I ended up grabbing a late dinner at Annie's with Kevin, who had just got off of work and missed dinner himself.

Saturday - Went to a combined birthday lunch potluck for me, my roommate and another old friend from school. It was pretty good food, and we watched a movie and just had a good chill time. Around 10 me and the one roommate and another friend, went to K St lounge, where a different friend from school was celebrating his birthday. Luckily, we didn't have to pay a cover. It was smaller than I thought it would be, and it was cool that I got to spend time out with the non-gays. I took some pictures with people and after a couple drinks and a shot of 151 with the roommate, around 1 am, took a cab to 17th st. I got to see the GMU/VA peeps at McDs, then hung with Freddy & Co at DIK bar. Pretty cool/lowkey night, and we ended up just hanging outside for most of it.

Sunday - 2 people who were "attending" the scavenger hunt(according to fb), let me know that they weren't gonna make it. So my count was 8-10. I was even late and when I got to DC, there was only guy who made it on time. So I decided to just get brunch and see if more people would respond. Freddy came out next, and we decided to go to Jrs for $2 Skyys. While there, he saw this online thing for the Coolout which was 4 blocks down, near the HRC. We checked it out, and it was awesome. It was on a rooftop, no cover and just a really nice view. We hung there for a couple hours and a couple other friends came and left. Then, the other 3 guys came and more pictures and chillin followed. Then we went back to Jrs, and then dinner at cobalt(where I was the only one to eat). Afterwards, we split up and me and freddy made our way back to Md, and he dropped me off at home.

All in all, it wasn't a bad week/weekend. The "plans" didn't succeed, but I did get to spend those days with some good friends. At cobalt freddy sorta asked me "what I learned from 22?", I didn't answer then. But I'd say I've learned to be more realistic with my plans and goals, and that I should try to be more open and honest with the truths and realities that make up that thing called life.
"Bring It, 23!" Lets see how this one goes.

Belated Birthday Week Post

Last year, I was extra optimistic about my birthday, writing pre-bday blogs and attempting to plan a number of things, which had varying degrees of success. This year, I was much more realistic and pragmatic. I only sorta planned one main thing (scavenger hunt) after thinking up the idea with a friend. That didn't happen, but it was still a fun week.

Tuesday/Wednesday - Me and Kevin and his roommates and another guy, went to Rehoboth. It was good beach weather, and pretty good company. It was a good change of pace and scenery, and even more awesome that it wasn't work. Staying there for the night, helped make it easier to have one night of going out, and all in all it was really fun. We eventually made it back Thursday around 3 am.

Thursday - Since Sean/Grant and a few others weren't going to make it to the weekend, I decided that we could do birthday eve Freddie's night, and continue that tradition. Plus, it could get some of the other VA people out, potentially. However, because I could no longer crash in Crystal city... it meant that I would have to somehow get back to DC, in order to get home. So the plan was Freddie's from 8:30 to 11ish, then DC, which would enable me to actually get home afterwards.

I headed home after work to change, nap and figure things out (hopefully). I ended up playing video games with one roommate, and randomly the other came home and actually had a free night. They ended up going to eat/hangout/chill and invited, I was truly tempted to do that instead. I hadn't gotten any confirmation from most people, and I could actually allow my roommates to share in celebrating my birthday. But since I made the Freddie's plan, and at least Sam and Ian were definites... I let the roommates go on without me. After they left I was somewhat tired and still unmotivated to go out, but I slowly got ready to go out. Since people had responded saying they couldn't make it, if the responded at all, I figured just to do DC, since Me, Sam and Ian tend to do that often and it's easy for me.

As I continued getting ready and trying to motivate me, Tony texted me and he was gonna surprise me/us at Freddies, but it changed so I told him we'd meet up in DC. The only thing he forgot or didn't know is that I'm unable to be surprised, at least good surprises anyway. So I used the attempt at surprise to rush and get out the door, and hop on the 16th bus.

On the bus, one Kevin said he would have went to Freddie's and the other Kevin said he'd meet us in DC and that some of the real world people were reported to be going to Cobalt later. We started at Jr's for a little bit, then I said we should go to Halo since Tony and his friend were there. Kevin ended up meeting us there, and then we headed to Cobalt, which was way too packed since they were filming. Kevin got us drinks and shots, and I turned 23 at the stroke of midnight. After being there for a while, we sorta got seperated and eventually 4 of us headed down to Apex. Apex was cool, we mostly stayed in the video room and bumped into a couple other people. We left around 2, and after watching the last S2 pass from two blocks ovr, Kevin gave me a ride home. Not bad for the beginning of my bday weekend...

Random-ish Question

Is it better to share things you love, with the friends you care about? or find people who care about the same things you do, and form friendships with them?

Pride Month Recap

Well June is finally over, and with it all the different pride festivities. This was the third year I've ever been to any, and I was able to basically make it to 3: DC, Baltimore and NYC. Each had its pros and cons, and they were all different in their own ways.

DC: Being a local and knowing people here, made it pretty fun. I was able to hang with most friends and it being two days gave me time to enjoy each part even more. Knowing the area and seeing familiar names/sponsors on the floats or in booths, and seeing a number of people that I knew were continual reminders that this is home.

Baltimore: Tim and I decided to go up there for their parade/block party. We missed the parade completely and made it while the block party had already started. Coming from the DC atmosphere, the difference was automatically recognized. Down here, there is always a bit of pretentiouosity. It seems that you have to dress, act, be a certain "way" in the gay community. However, up there... people sorta just went however they felt. People were dressed in all sorts of ways, there were old and young, black and white, and it just seemed more relaxed than DC. There you were also allowed to carry open containers of booze. So people brought coolers and were having a drunk old time. I'd never really beeen to Baltimore, outside of a church or the Inner Harbor, so it was interesting to see how it all was. We didn't really go to any of the places, so I still haven't experienced that side of it. As for Pride, the diversity and comfortable atmosphere was definitely the most amazing part of being there.

New York City: I did what ended up happening last year, again this year. I was with family for the weekend, and then passed by pride on my way to the bus back to DC. Last year, I had said that I hoped others would go this year so it could be a cool fun group thing. Didn't really happen, although a friend I met at the HRC ended up going to NYC to visit a friend and for pride, so I met up with them and it was cool. NYC is where it all began, and I ended up standing across from The Stonewall Inn watching the parade before I met up with them. That was real lucky and I got a couple pictures and clips of it. Quick side note: the Parade started around noon, and it was still going when we left around 6:30. Knowing that it was huge, I only stood watching it for maybe 15 minutes. Since it was NYC, the place was real intense and packed. There were so many people, and streets were blocked off, and some sidewalks were one-way only, it was crazy. People went all out, there were a number of topless chicks, guys wearing almost nothing or VERY random outfits and stuff. So after I met up with them, we went to the street festival which was going on at the same time, and it wasn't as big as DC's. It had some interesting-ish booths like organic rainbow roses and 3-D porn...*smh*. Since he was driving back to DC, we didn't go inside anywhere and soon left. NYC was where it began 40 years ago, and NYC does things BIG. The crowds, floats, everything was just way too intense. It was a cool experience tho, and again, I'm looking forward to the next time and hoping that people will join.

48 Hour Film... revisited

We(I) didn't get to finish making the movie, or even start filming the other weekend. But I still have this camera, and the few ideas we had earlier. So... I'm thinking of trying to either film at least one of the ideas in the upcoming days. The weather is nice, school is out for most, and it can be a fun AND free thing to do. So let me know what you think!

Lossed

Last night, the LA Lakers won the NBA finals. In some ways, they deserve it. They spent their money, and built around a superstar, and beat out the other teams. I'm not happy about it, but it doesn't really affect me so why bother to care. Just sucks that the team I rooted for lost.

This past weekend, was definitely overbooked and overstretched and I intended to do it all. And for the first couple hours, it seemed to be working out well. I left work and made it to Baltimore by 6, signed in and recieved the details for the movie by 7, and made it back to my house by 8:30. Randomly things actually came together and people actually helped create the whole storyline/script. I actually believed the film would be a success, against all odds. The next morning, I was up early putting things together and realized that 1 good hour and 3 people (2 guys and a girl), were ALL I needed to finish the film, and still have plenty of time left in the day for all the other festivities. But sleep ran over, enthusiasm ran low, and reality set in. In the end, what happened was what I predicted cuz I depended on certain people and believed too much. So that was $150ish lost.

On Saturday, after people used my camera, and it came back to me. I tried to reset it so it would close... and it didn't. We tried taking the battery in and out, and that didn't work. Then someone else came up with the bright idea to smack it, which made it go somewhat in. Yet not all the way, and now when you shake it, you can hear something moving around inside of it. I bought this camera b4 mothers day, so its more than thirty days, and I don't know if I still have my reciept, so that's like another $150-200ish lost.

Saturday night plans went to hell, and did nothing I wanted to do really. I missed out on a moving/going away thing for an old friend from school. We never made it back to finish taping the movie. Secrets, Mixtape, house party(s??), and for the "biggest" night of the weekend, more than half of it was spent trying to figure out something to do. So "my basketball team" lost, I lost(wasted) money, and lost opportunities to do certain things. So now I'm just doing much thinking, cuz I'm a Loss for words too...

Random Home Observation

Thursday night, after watching the Hangover with Freddy and Axel and some other people, I came back to my to change then head out to Apex. One of my roommate said as I entered in, "Justin. You still live here?", and I said something like "Its cuz enjoy paying the rent". Today was the first day I was home for more than an hour AND awake, since maybe tuesday. AND in the past week, I have only taken 2 showers at home. Random...

Love and Marraige

I went to a wedding last weekend for friends, and being there made me wonder about "Love and Marriage". On top of the obvious thoughts, there were some unspoken moments which altered the moods of what should have been one of the happiest moments in their life.

First off, the grooms parents did not come. They did not agree with his choice to get married, both in terms of the timeframe, and the bride. The parents are Jamaican, and they may be described as "traditional" and "old-fashioned" which is a codeword for being stubborn and set in their ways. So their absence, was basically saying we don't support you and hope you fail. Its true, that everyone thought it was rushed, I mean, its been no more than two years since they first met. But the bride's side and their true friends, still supported them once it has gotten this far. On top of that, most of his local family and friends didn't even show up. The entire crowd was basically the bride's family and her friends. The groomsmen were his friends, yet they didn't seem as enthused about the situation. It was an interesting experience to behold, and I wonder how I would react in that situation.

I could imagine that this is one of the most important days of his life, where he takes the plunge into the biggest decision of his life. There's no turning back and the consequences will last a lifetime. I would have to do amazing soul-searching, prayer, analyses of different situations, and talking with those closest to me to make sure I understand what I'm doing, why I'm doing it and all the risks involved with it. After doing all that and continuing to go forward, I'd want to know that people I care about will be there. This is the most important day of my life, and I'd want people to share in it with me. I thought of that movie "27 Dresses" where they mentioned looking at the groom as the bride begins to make her way down the aisle. At that moment, the grooms face would have all the hope, happiness, or even fear and regret. It was a typical movie lie. But I can not imagine looking into the crowd at that moment, and seeing all the empty seats. Thinking of all the other important people in my life, that chose to not be there...

Yet at the same time, I amazingly respect him for that. He's made a choice against their wishes, without the support of most of his family and friends. He went through with it anyway. That truly takes a lot. To make a decision with so many reasons to put it off or not do it at all... yet doing what you need to for the Right reason.

Florida Memorial Day Weekend!

This past weekend I went to Florida for a wedding. The couple are friends from college, church, and life around the house. It was the first time I've been to Florida (outside of an airport AND older than 2). It was a really interesting time, and can't wait to go back. We didn't really get to explore, because of all the wedding festivities and plans, but I did like what I saw and had a good times with old friends. The wedding was nice, and amazingly short. (Which was good.) The food at the reception, well the whole weekend actually, was exceptional. The entertainment at the reception outside of the MC and some random toasts, were pretty good too. The afterparty was at Bob Marleys on City Walk of Universal Studios, and that was a nice spot and was the only time I had alcohol the whole weekend.

The day after the wedding, we had a really late start to get out (after 3 pm). Due to a lack of funds on some people, we decided to go to an indoor amusement park "for the mind", in Orlando. Yet it was really good, and fun. The only sucky part was that I never recharged my camera battery so after 15-20 minutes there, my camera died. Next, we headed back to Daytona Beach and went for a nice evening stroll, where my roommate ended up losing his phone.

All in all, the trip was a good break from DC. It gave me a re-appreciation of old friends and new memories good times. It reminded me of how good carribean food can be. It inspired me even more of the joys of traveling, and was a good next step to introduce the summer. Certain situations had randomly taught me to just follow my gut and intuition about decisions. And lastly, it also made me think a lot about "Love and Marriage" in general. Which we be in a later blog.

More Flags, More Fun!!

Last week, Kevin brought up the idea of going to Six Flags Great Adventure(in NJ) this week. It could be good weather, and its before the season really kicks off and it should be easier and less crowded. I'm usually up for whatever, especially if it can be packed into a single day and be a good excuse to not go to work. So after a late-ish start (8:45), we got there a little after 11.

I was never "into" roller coasters, I went on some the last time I was there in 1998. But just never really saw what all the fun was about. Usually in most of my other trips to theme parks, I'd end up just doing the water section and rides. But I figured why not. So we went on every coaster they had:

Superman - really COOL. Awesomest part was where we were upside and on the inside of a loop, and my mind/body did not know how to really comprehend that, especially when we were in the front.
Scream Machine - Alright, good for its age. had some loops and hills.
Dark Knight - Amazingly sucked. Inside and long wait, overhyped with a mini-movie thing. basically went in circles....
Batman - Alright, wasn't too impressed but probably the third best one there.
Nitro - Cool for the really high drops, and no floor so its was awesome.
Runaway Mine Train - OK. Weird, but it went twice,
Rolling Thunder - Good, though really bumpy, we were in the back and it was wooden
El Toro - Pretty Good, especially for a wooden coaster,
Other(Some mini "coaster") - it was after the dark knight so it wasn't too bad,
Superman - alright, not as cool as being in the front

Not bad for a day trip. I've gained a new appreciation for roller coasters. And am getting even more excited about how good I will make this summer be. Next stop Florida!

A quick read

Monday as the workday was amazingly slow, so I decided to go to the local library to find a new book to read. In the new books section, and I saw the book "He's just not that into you". I figured books are usually better, and more helpful, than movies so I checked it out, and started reading it on my way home. Last night, with the help of another slow workday, I finished it.

The book was written to women in straight relationships mainly by a straight guy, and also a straight lady who were both comedy writers for Sex and the City. The basic format of the book was letters to the guy about relationship issues from different women. His replies to the letters are somewhat funny or sarcastic, yet straightforward about the situation. The basic point is this, A guy would do his best for someone, if he truly believes that he has found "the one"; and in ALL other cases, the guy is just not THAT into the girl at whatever time. He also notes that if a guy is "TRULY" into a girl, yet still does not do his best, then is he even worth it?

When I started reading this book, it instant got on my nerves because its geared towards women. And the first chapter, is basically "The guy should ALWAYS ask the girl out." Going from there doesn't really help in a same-sex relationship. However I always enjoy seeing other perspectives on certain situations, and because truth is truth. So I know I can use any knowledge and figure out a way to apply it, and better myself. But as I read on it was very interesting. For some of things that he mentioned, I can look into my own past and see that I've been on one side or the other. The most random moment however, came while I was checking all my voicemails and deleting most, one of the messages were sorta random and stuck in my mind. Not even 5 minutes later, I read something that was talking about the exact same person and thoughts that I already knew about him. Then later that night, I came to another couple revelations about things and people. So its definitely inspiring to think about as the summer quickly approaches.

All in all, it was a very enjoyable read. Some of the information I tossed, others I kept(and hopefully will embrace), and some other stuff needs to be altered before its applicable to me personally. But I'm glad I read it, and would truly recommend it for some.

48 Hour Film Festival

I'm realllllly wanting to do it, and I'm hoping you can join in. First, let me summarize what it is. You have 48 hours to complete a short film. At the initial meeting, they give you a line of dialogue, a character, and a prop all of which must be present in the film. So then you have 48hrs to do all the work: writing, casting, filming, editing, adding/fixing sound and burning it to a dvd. So it's definitely intense. I was able to do one at my old school in '07, and the video is on facebook, it truly sucks as a movie but it does have a few good parts that I'm proud of.


DC had their 48ff last weekend (May 1-3), and the only reason for why I didn't do it then, was cause I didn't know till it was halfway done. Freddy, Axel and I did make it out to one set of showings on Thursday, and it was definitely inspiring. One of the "directors" said that the movies that night were mostly better than the two previous sets, the days before, and the ones we saw weren't even that amazing/complicated/finished/perfect. Some were cooler and/or better than others. One had a green screen, a couple ended without really having an ending. Putting all that together, it tells me we CAN do it. 1. It is a really fun experience. 2. Some of the movies weren't even finished, so that makes writing a story even easier. 3. Its a relatively cheap thing to do, the main investment is time. I JUST looked online and learned there is also a registration fee of $135-155...


Here's the hard part though, DC's was last weekend, meaning we won't have another chance to do it in DC, this year anyway. However, they will have ones in NYC, VA beach, and Baltimore. I think Baltimore will be the easiest to do, since its close, although its from June 12-14, which is busy for most of us. NYC is May 29-31, and Va beach is sometime in August. The deadline to get the $135 price for baltimore is May 18, so I have about a week to coax you guys into joining.

So if you're interested in doing this, definitely let me know. It'll definitely be worth it.

Returning Home - NYC edition

Right now I'm on a city bus heading to church where my oldest brother and family, and potentially my Grandmother and uncle are. Its been almost 4 months since I've last been home, and I haven't been back to this church since the funeral.
Taking the train to Queens, and hopping on the bus I see familiar sights: Jamaica ave. Stores, the library, pharmacies, pets stores, banks, doctors offices, churches and other random stores that I've been to with my mom or family, many years ago. They all look the same, mostly, and its nice to know some things don't completely change. Since most other things do.

This will be the first time I've been home since having some type of coming out communication with my brothers. This will also be the first mothers day/mom birthday since she passed. Which is the main reason why I decided to be up here. It doesn't seem like there are any real plans to do, and getting both older brothers on the same schedule will be difficult, but whatever happens, happens.

It will be an interesting, nostalgic weekend full of thought at the least, and maybe some interesting conversations and plans for the future. Oh yeah, and taking family pictures!!

Getting more closet space?

I've been out for 6 months(out-ish for 7). The only mention of it, outside of family, has been from roommates, my barber/friend, and one other friend. Through very few random conversations with one roommate, I have learned that a number of people have approached him/them about me. They haven't approached at all, and taking their demographics into consideration, I can guess why.

I guess its when/how do I not just get out of the closet, but when do I step into life. When do, or should I even, turn to these friends with a relationship question or ask for advice. Or tell them that I'm interested in someone, if that be the case. I look at the past, pre- and post- closet, and can see the asking of less questions, if any, which makes me think that maybe I shouldn't proactively state anything. Yet, I also look at myself pre- and post- closet. Before my answers were definitely limited and general to basically avoid the subject. Old habits die hard. So I wonder if I have just gotten out of the closet, to hide in my room, or am I going to make the choice to embrace life and the people/friendships around me. Maybe I'm just needing to do a little bit more growing.

One year old...

We've had this blog for a year now. Over a hundred posts of a variety of topics and shared experiences. Posts are way more sporadic these days, and I wonder if or how much longer we'll keep this up. But as the warmer season comes to, and more ideas pop up in our heads and we live through more experiences... we'll definitely have much more to share. Thanks for those few faithful readers, you'll be hearing from us SOON!

Returning Home?

"You can never truly return home." - Anonymous

I heard that adage before and this past weekend it rang true. When I think about the past and how things were, who all was there and the good memories. It was an awesome time. This past weekend was ALumni Weekend at my college. One of the times of year, when people reminisce about old times and sorta catch up. In some ways it good to remember, yet it also reminds me of how much we've all changed. Friends, myself, the school itself... all different now.

2 or 3 weeks ago at a Silver Spring Happy Hour, I was talking with these guys. They also have an SDA religious background. He was mentioning that he "got an invitation to his 10yr highschool reunion. But he can't go, because he's gay." To which I chuckled on the outside, because I understood, yet also wondered about whether I'd go to mine. At that moment, I thought to myself, that I'M NOT in the same boat, and I probably would go to and enjoy mine. Yet after this weekend, I'm not so sure.
Since I live 10 minutes away from my old school, and a lot of the recent alumni and friends are still in the area, we run into and/or hangout with each other somewhat regularly. I do see them less these days, since I tend to hang out with the gays often. Which is cool and all... however, the question often comes up, "what have you been up to?". And I'm never sure how to respond. Work/family situations have given me some substance to quell the inquiry, but I always wonder if/when the gay friends/being/process is fitting. I just wonder tho, and keep quiet. And wonder when I'll finally push the envelope or just do the other option where I limit my interaction(even more) with those people or situations.

So you can't ever return "home", in that sense. However, I do think that "Home is where you make it."

To be continued...

Final Work Update

As of last Monday I officially began working for a different company. They are the people who actually have the contract, that I was working on. So things are somewhat all taken care of. He'll be paying me an increased salary directly. The only drawback is a lack of extra benefits. I'll have to get my own health insurance, and any other benefits out-of-pocket. It sorta still puts me ahead, in terms of money, and well anything I better than the situation I was previously in.

So now the plan is to work here till next July-ish. That's when the contract expires, and he may or may not win it again. So as I decided to be here for the next 15 months, I have to make sure my personal growth reaches it's potential.

I've looked at other job descriptions and technical requirements or plusses. My goal is to implement those within the applications as much as possible. So that the experience on the resume is better and still honest. I may even do some classes and stuff. When I look for a new job, my experience and salary will all be that much better!

What's Next?

I emailed my two weeks notice, last Monday. And I put today's date on the physical letter that I mailed to them last Thursday or Friday. So technically today should be my last day working here, for them anyway. The thing is, my company didn't respond to me, really. The main boss/manager didn't reply to the email, nor the letter. He did call on Monday though. Basically to say that last Friday's payroll was late (Go figure!), and that it would be fixed by the next day. Then he also said, that they'd try to come out here, so we could all meet later in the week. And that was it... so I need to make some calls today, and just get some questions answered.

Monday, I went on an interview for the company that I referenced in my last post. The interview went well, and they sent me an offer letter. Which is comparatively better then my current job, when it was good. The offer stands until Tuesday, if I choose to accept it. The only thing about the offer is that, I would need to get a security clearance, and the process takes anywhere from 1-4 months.

Ihat in-between time is I think the big issue. Its good because, I can close this project out and/or begin to wind down and give them a smooth transition for a replacement. I can also enjoy this environment a little more, for the time being a have a job in the meantime. However, I don't fully know if I'm ready to move. Four months from now? Probably... but right now, I'd feel bad just getting up and leaving. I can stay, and work for the other guy for more money, although I will have to just get my own health insurance, which isn't actually too expensive. Its just that I'm unsure about what my next step should be?

Staying here, is a good thing if I want to do Grad school, because I'm sure it'd be a lot easier for them to be flexible around a schedule. Here is also a fun, good working environment where my co-workers are awesome and its definitely not stressful at all. Yet being here, the burden is on me to improve my skills and experience and I don't exactly know how valuable continued experience here is.

Leaving, will definitely give me different work experience and add more variety to my resume and skillset. I'd be able to learn on the job and put it into practice, which is way easier than taking a class. I have no idea how the work environment would be tho, which is always a risk. They have a better and easier benefits package than I'd have working for this one guy, and they'd probably expect more of push and my potential would increase. Plus I'd be able to get a real security clearance, which makes me more valuable in the long run.

So I'm tossed between these two decisions. One is tried and true-ish, the other has more risk and potential AND needs a decision in the next few days. I can always turn it down, and look into other opportunities. So I need to find out what I really want or where I my career to go, and I have the weekend to think and decide.

In the meantime, I should probably call my company to let them know that Two Weeks is up...

Work Update

I sent in my official two-weeks notice by email on Monday afternoon. I also told the sub-contractor that I sent it. THe next word I got from the people I sent the letter to. She was a VP for something, and she was always the about the business, compared to everyone else at the main office. She asked if I had something lined up, and I responded with "not exactly". She basically told me of another small business that she has been also working with lately. This business has a couple big contracts with ATF and they do a lot of work with EDS and blah blah blah. She then mentioned that she could get me hired there, and still stay at the current project at the CDC. So I could easily stay here at this cool project, and then move on to bigger and better within a company that is actually stable. SO I forwarded her my updated resume and I'll call the guy in the morning. I'll weigh his offer, and see how it compares to anything else. Then figure some stuff out.