Looking forward through the eyes of the past

Even though I graduated college 2 years ago, I still measure time by "school years". So as the semester winds down for most people and I enjoy the awesome weather, I am overly excited about the SUMMER! I sit and think about summers past, and know that this summer will be better.

Summer '06
I embarked on my gay journey and also entered into the real world of work. After weeks of interviews, I got a job offer and waited on a start date. I also began to look into how to meet gay people, in person not just online. So there were a number of firsts. My first time walking into Dupont Circle (you have NO idea how nerve wrecking this was). My first time in a club, a gay club, Apex to be more exact, and I went by myself... My first kiss with a guy. I walked around Dupont on the 4th of July, and for my 20th bday I reported for my first day of work. Not exactly awesome. However, by fall, I believed, I had made about 3 gay "friends" (1.5 of them remain).

Summer '07
After the first year of struggles, and "almosts", and "crushed hopes", I entered my second year with a little less hesitation, and definitely less "fear". I attended my first Pride, which wasn't as different as I'd thought, with friends. I also spent the 4th of July with these same friends and I began to realize that I actually did make progress. A week later... I turned 21, which opened up a whole new door and perspective on life. I went to Freddie's with the same friends to celebrate my bday. That was my first night getting wasted, and puking, and the longest 4 blocks I've ever walked, but an awesome time. It may also be the first time I smoked a full cigarette, or so i'm told. In July, I also met a few COOL people. One I had AIM'ed for a WHILE, and the other I AIM'ed, or myspace'd or justguy'ed for a few months here and there. Both people were different in their own ways, and good peoples. And one thursday I chilled with them both seperately. And that day was so awesome, like I was feeling good anytime I thought about it for like a week. FYI, there was no physical "relations" of any kind, with either of them. Just enjoyable to hang out with them. I also was "seeing" someone for the first time that summer. And I lost my karaoke virginity, killin it softly. As the summer ended, I made/met a couple new awesome friends. The awesome-est, no offense to the others, being Freddy. All pink-polo'd out at work, little did I know what I was in store for...

Summer 08
There are already ideas and plans and ideas in store. I know that it will be good. Also with school being out, maybe certain people will have more time and be up doing stuff more often. Either way, I'm going to make the best of it. And by the way, YOU're definitely free to join.

Balancing Act

Also referred to as a typical weekend, week or any other type of time frame. Every weekend I make attempts to live in both worlds, well "societies". The straight society made up of family and older friends from school and church, including current roommates. This group has ALL the people I've known for more than 2 years. Then there is the gay society made up of basically new friends. Most of which I've known for a short time, so a lot of those friendships aren't exactly close. But that will (theoretically) come with time. So when I'm deciding what I'll do, and with whom, I attempt to balance out both societies giving and taking as necessary. And now for a brief-ish recap of the weekend's struggles.

Friday
1. Concert at UMD with gay friends and then possibly Town?
2. Chill, clean and then haircuts w/ roommates at a straight friends?
Chillin & Haircuts.

Saturday
Day:
1. Church/Graduation thing with old straight friends from school?
2. Youth Pride Day in DC?
Both!

Night
1. Iron Man with roommates?
2. Town/17th street/Rehab w/ gay friends?
17th and Town wins...

Sunday
1. Video Games/Chill at home
2. Karaoke date, with a guy who's cool, but I can't bring myself to be interested in?
HOME!!

Overall, a good weekend. Although my perfectionist tendencies focus on the few bad spots. The weekend shows me that i'm not truly balancing. It seems like a seesaw, going on one side, then making up for it on the other. In time, a merging of societies must take place, so its no longer what "this" or "that" group is doing. But what am I doing.

"Just as your car runs more smoothly and requires less energy to go faster and farther when the wheels are in perfect alignment, you perform better when your thoughts, feelings, emotions, goals, and values are in balance." - Brian Tracy