The Journey Begins

Yesterday GLOBE(Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual Employees of the Federal Government) had a happy hour at Cobalt. I heard about it from the Metro weekly and figured it'd be a good step to start in. It wasn't too bad. The $3 smirnoff drinks also helped!! After, I went to McDs to get dinner and figure out if anyone was out doing anything. Most people were staying in(if they even replied). So I asked myself(and Ian) whether I should to call it a night, or risk it. Risk it!

I proceeded to go to Jr's and get a juice to make up for the 4 drinks. It was packed as usual, so I didn't get to play pool. So I walked back and forth from Jr's to Cobalt. And when I was going back to Jr's, I was looking and counted any stares/glances(4), was a good little motivator. Then at Jr's, some dude said "Hi". So I jumped into his little group. He said like 6-7 months ago, he said he DID say hi to me, but I blew him off. I definitely don't remember that, and it makes me wonder if my usual actions lower my approachability level. He was a nice guy, and his friends were cool too. Sorta sad tho... his one friend's mom had died the night before, so it was like a "we'll take him out, night". Well he bought me 2 drinks. He let on that he was interested in me, but you know me and my fear of old(32ish+) people. But we chatted and I left there around 11:45, and went back to cobalt. Watched part of the package contest, talked with some random dude, attempted to dance, bought another drink, saw Mauricio, took my polo off, talked with bouncer dude steve, and then caught a cab home after 2 am.(after 7 attempts, since no one goes to MD)

But today is a new day, and except for a minor headache, i'm good. (Tho I wonder if 7 or 8 drinks is a bad thing). And I'm looking forward to this weekend... it going to be interesting. What's his name is back, and we all may hang out again Saturday. And possibly go to TOWN with others, (PS YOU are definitely welcome to join). I'm actually hoping the Town group will be bigger, cuz two diff people that inspire wierd feelings may be there, so that will be interesting or at least confusing for me. But right now I'm in an awesome mood-ish. Last night was alright, my job paid me ON TIME, I should be getting a haircut tonight, and I'm rocking out at work now to Micah. I'm inspired and on this road. I'm even switched over to the new facebook, as a way for me to "embrace change".

What do I want... only one way to find out

Crap. I'm in this very "blah" mood... still. Its like what should I be doing at this point in time. I really felt like my personal life was going to go into a new frontier. I almost felt this way a few times before, and I carefully thought about each step I took to get there. It made sense, I listened to his words, and thought about my feelings, and thought I was on the right track. Little did I know I was as far as I could go, and nothing more is possible. Here I am, a week later. Not really cool yet, but its not as bad, cuz I've accepted it more.

Now my resolve is to figure out what I want relationship-wise. I end up here, cuz I'm still unsure of myself in that aspect. And even though, my belief that the best relationships start out from a foundation of friendship. but even know I'm not sure what I want or expect from a relationship, and I always did wonder "what if I enter into a potentially awesome relationship, but make 'rookie mistakes' cuz of my neivity or lack of experience. So I guess I'm putting myself out there, to learn, and figure some things out. I have nothing really to lose, and can enjoy the distraction. Plus there is a reason and benefit behind it, so it makes it more worth it. Also, just because I'm not exactly looking for something awesome, doesn't mean I can't find it. The easiest way to not look for something in one place, is to look for it somewhere else.(I think)

Thoughts??