Right now I'm on a city bus heading to church where my oldest brother and family, and potentially my Grandmother and uncle are. Its been almost 4 months since I've last been home, and I haven't been back to this church since the funeral.
Taking the train to Queens, and hopping on the bus I see familiar sights: Jamaica ave. Stores, the library, pharmacies, pets stores, banks, doctors offices, churches and other random stores that I've been to with my mom or family, many years ago. They all look the same, mostly, and its nice to know some things don't completely change. Since most other things do.
This will be the first time I've been home since having some type of coming out communication with my brothers. This will also be the first mothers day/mom birthday since she passed. Which is the main reason why I decided to be up here. It doesn't seem like there are any real plans to do, and getting both older brothers on the same schedule will be difficult, but whatever happens, happens.
It will be an interesting, nostalgic weekend full of thought at the least, and maybe some interesting conversations and plans for the future. Oh yeah, and taking family pictures!!
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Getting more closet space?
I've been out for 6 months(out-ish for 7). The only mention of it, outside of family, has been from roommates, my barber/friend, and one other friend. Through very few random conversations with one roommate, I have learned that a number of people have approached him/them about me. They haven't approached at all, and taking their demographics into consideration, I can guess why.
I guess its when/how do I not just get out of the closet, but when do I step into life. When do, or should I even, turn to these friends with a relationship question or ask for advice. Or tell them that I'm interested in someone, if that be the case. I look at the past, pre- and post- closet, and can see the asking of less questions, if any, which makes me think that maybe I shouldn't proactively state anything. Yet, I also look at myself pre- and post- closet. Before my answers were definitely limited and general to basically avoid the subject. Old habits die hard. So I wonder if I have just gotten out of the closet, to hide in my room, or am I going to make the choice to embrace life and the people/friendships around me. Maybe I'm just needing to do a little bit more growing.
I guess its when/how do I not just get out of the closet, but when do I step into life. When do, or should I even, turn to these friends with a relationship question or ask for advice. Or tell them that I'm interested in someone, if that be the case. I look at the past, pre- and post- closet, and can see the asking of less questions, if any, which makes me think that maybe I shouldn't proactively state anything. Yet, I also look at myself pre- and post- closet. Before my answers were definitely limited and general to basically avoid the subject. Old habits die hard. So I wonder if I have just gotten out of the closet, to hide in my room, or am I going to make the choice to embrace life and the people/friendships around me. Maybe I'm just needing to do a little bit more growing.
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