Not-So-Random Feelings #2(Spiritual Life)

Last year, I read "The Power of Now" and part of "A New Earth". They were to New-Age religious, well "spiritual" books talking about be the real You and living life to the fullest and truest. They weren't anti-christian, yet their universalistic openness, can be seen as anti-christian by most traditional christians themselves. Anyways, these books had some deep truths and perspectives on situations which I was able to learn from. Although I may have not continuously put them into practice. I also read "Stranger at the Gate". "Christianity and Homosexuality" and "My Son, Beloved Stranger". These books dealt with being gay and christian. Since much of the anti-gay criticisms come from christians, these books helped show different perspectives on the issues, and/or encourage conversation about the topic, in a thoughtful manner. I also read 3-4 other religious type and personal spiritual development books.
I'm a Seventh-Day Adventist(SDA) christian, and according to a number of people(and myself), I'm mostly serious about it. The biggest difference about SDA from other christians is that we keep the Sabbath similar to Jews, and we also refrain from eating "unclean" foods(Pork, shrimp, lobster, etc..) also similar to the Jews. The SDA headquarters are located in MD, and they have
a big network of churches, schools, boarding academies, colleges, bookstores and hospitals. I've attended their churches regularly(3-5 times/month) for my entire life, Ever since I was in 1st grade, I attended their schools. 98% of my school, old, and college friends are SDA, outside of my gay friends.
The gay world is scary and very contradictory to this background. Not saying that I have never seen any gay's before, but it was not something supported or truly discussed in an open forum. So most SDAs have high un-comfortability levels. So instead of me doing what certain others have done, I chose to find a way to integrate my life, instead of turning my back on where I come from. Looking back, I haven't particularly done a good job. Reading those books and thinking about myself, I know I've made mistakes. I see the person I was in late 06, and I realize a number of compromises I've made since then. As I think, about some of the near future conversations I will have with people, I feel like I should have done better. I knew that certain people should have been avoided, certain nights I should have stayed home, and certain things should have never gone in my mouth (referring to alcohol...mostly). Yet those books also gave me the hope and courage that I CAN live with integrity and honesty and being spiritually happy OUT of the closet.
But now it is 2009. This boundary in time, also represents my own personal crossroads in my spiritual journey. I have made progress trying to consolidate my beliefs with my behavior and integrating my past with my present. As I move into the future, I will compromise less and truly BELIEVE more! This year I'll be a real-er, true-r Justin, and even if I still fail in some areas... at least I'll know I succeeded in being me. God loves me and you too. LOL. Just like my professional life, my spiritual life isn't where I wanted it to be, but its being worked on. So 2009, bring it!! I can do ALL things....