Epiphany

A few months ago I wrote a REALLY long poem, speaking of a usual-ish night in DC. I even had it posted on TheNewGay site. In the poem, there was this line about "making the trip home, by myself". Someone commented saying that "you won't be making that trip home alone forever", and I sorta responded that When I say "going home alone"... its not that I'm trying to pick someone up. Its more of a wish of going with friends, or at least being able to talk to someone about it. More of the mental "alone", than being by oneself." It sounded like a copout, but it was the best I could do at the time. But now I realize what I meant.

The ride back home is walking back to the jail cell like closet. Whatever experience I had, pictures I took, literature/stickers I obtained, would be hidden or discarded, and there would be no trace of my doings. I would then have to deny/limit part of myself, in order to make the atmosphere at home more "comfortable" for everyone. It seems like home just isn't really "Home"y. And I tend to try to avoid it as much as possible.

Yet this weekend, I'm purposely choosing to stay home, and hang with the roommates. I haven't seen them on a Saturday for 4+ weeks. And as I almost start to consider integrating the different sides of my life. I sorta have to remind them that I'll still be their friend, so when the time comes, I can say I did my part. Plus, some other people already have plans. But this weekend I what I need to get a break. Hopefully I'll remember the good things about this home, and the people/friendships within. I hope you all have an awesome weekend. Peace!