Definitely an Off Night

Wow...I had an interesting night yesterday. So instead of truly tackling the issue. I jumped right into lions den, and it wasn't pretty. When I asked others for their opinions and suggestions on the best methods of healing... there was one main answer: "Stay away from the cause!!". But not me, I had already committed to the night, so I couldn't just cancel. So I got new headphones, so I could listen to encouraging, inspirational, uplifting music and headed out. Before they all arrived, I IM'ed/texted a few people for a little extra encouragement as I was about to be in an awkward position. Sadly the text conversation never stopped, and I ended up texting for most of the night which came off as rude.
So as we ate dinner and walked around, I guess I was somewhat distant. And tried to limit eye contact and stuff because it was not easy to change the way I saw him before. I know where I needed to be, but no idea how to get there. So after dinner and dessert we headed towards apex and someone else joined our group which helped slightly. But then we made it to Apex. Apex itself is my Achilles Heel... It has the power to break me, and make me feel inadequate, unfit, and scared at the same time. But I try not to just let things win, without a fight... so I went in. Having the foot injury didn't do much for my already subpar dancing skills, so I did even less moving then usual.
As time went on, more people came. Including some familiar faces... most of them were not in good standing based on how they have related to me in the past, whether or not in person. And it reinforced the negative ideas apex already into my mind. Add to that the physical burden of my foot, and the emotional burden on my heart, I succumbed to the pressure. And had to get away from the people directly around me, and have a seat, gather myself and try to feel better overall. It sorta worked, but then my mind let the immediate situations with the group and random Apexians I eventually just had to leave. My camera batteries died, so I decided to go to CVS, and listen to music to put me in a better place. When I got back, I realized I sorta messed up their night, letting my emotions go out of control. And I could jjust feel it, they dropped me off at 7 eleven and I made a slight apology as I left their car.
I should have never went out, I would have been in a much better place, theoretically. But also the one random awesome part, was that I did get to finally meet a friend that I chat with every so often. That was highlight of my night, and diamond in the rough. But with most people being gone this weekend, hopefully I'll make much personal progress, and be over his face.