Word of the Month: "Resolve"

Resolve - to deal with successfully : clear up; to reach a firm decision about; - verb
fixity of purpose : resoluteness; - noun

This is my goals for the next month, and hopefully it'll stick. Oftentimes, I'll write To-Do Lists, goals, hopes, and plans. Yet, I don't always follow through. Certain events, words or experiences will show me where I'm at, and I recognize it is not where I WANT to be. Then I figure out a way to cross that gap, motivate myself, and attempt to start the process. But after some amount of time passes, I regress. I let fear, difficulty, "responsibility", the "past", and other factors stop my progress. Then, after some time, I go through the same steps again. After I make a decision, I will be firm about it, and not let my purpose falter until I have success.

Last week, I've been in this "blah" mood at times. And on Friday responded to me in the most correct way. They showed me my flaws, and exposed my own faulty logic. They told me the words I was saying, the ideas that i said I believed in, and then how my actions were the opposite. Basically referring to my closeted-ness. I posed the statment saying "When or will anyone ever take the risk on me?", and he responded saying "Why do you want someone else to take a risk on you, when you won't even take the risk on you?"... those words definitely cut deep.

So apart from feeling like an undeserving piece of shi-ite. I was determined more than ever to fix the problem, and put myself in a better position for the future. Now, I have to begin to come out of the closet with "resolve". I can not turn back, or let this decision waver. I have to set things in motion, and not let myself go back on my decision. And I've just about completed this awesome book, which has helped my motivation and given me hope for the future. I should finish it tomorrow, and I'll write about it later.